Some unusual definitions

I have collected some unusual definitions , some are just for smile and many are sarcastic too !. Sharing this just for my friends:

Definition of cigarette
CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper
with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
 

definition of marriage
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.



definition of lecture
LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.


Definition of conference
CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the number present


Definition of compromise
COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece


Definition of TEARS
TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!


definition of dictionary
DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes before marriage


definition of conference room
CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on


definition of ecstasy
ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling you have never felt before


definition of classic
CLASSIC:
A book which people praise,
but never read



definition of smile
SMILE:
A curve that can set
a lot of things straight!


definition of office
OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life


definition of yawn
YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open their mouth


definition of etc
ETC:
A sign to make others believe
that you know more than
you actually do


definition of committee
COMMITTEE:
Individuals who can do
nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together

definition of experience
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their Mistakes


definition of atom bomb
ATOMBOMB:
An invention to bring an end
to all inventions


definition of philosopher
PHILOSOPHER:
A fool who torments himself
during life, to be spoken of
when dead

definition of diplomat
DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you
to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

definition of opportunist
OPPORTUNIST:
A person who starts taking bath
if he accidentally falls into a river

definition of optimist
OPTIMIST:
A person who while falling
from EIFFELTOWER
says in midway
"SEEI AM NOT INJURED YET!"

 
definition of pessimist
PESSIMIST:
A person who says that
O is the last letter in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY


definition of miser
MISER:
A person who lives poor
so that he can die RICH!

definition of father
FATHER:
A banker provided by nature

 
definition of criminal
CRIMINAL:
A guy no different from the other,
unless he gets caught

definition of boss
BOSS:
Someone who is early
when you are late
and late when you are early

definition of politician
POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand
before elections and your Confidence
Later


definition of doctor
DOCTOR:
A person who kills
your ills by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

:-)  :-)  :-)

Just for laugh

In the midst of daily hectic and often stressful activities, reading jokes is  nothing short of welcome relief. Here are collection of some  small but mast  jokes:

1. Doctor : Howz ur headache ?
   Patient : she's out of town.:)

2. Marriage is like a public toilet . Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

3. Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

    It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

4. Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.

5. It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does   that. The slide show begins.

6. Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils, but my wife is the queen of them.

And now the latest & the best of all!! 

7. Imagine, living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years. Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy himself!! .

Laughing ... :-) 

Anger and Love has no limit

While a man was polishing his new car , his four year old son picked a stone and scratched lines on the side of car . In anger , the man took the child's hand & hit it many times , not realizing he was using a wrench .
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures . When the child saw his father with painful eyes he asked 'dad when will be my fingers grow back ? That man was so hurt & speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times . Devastated by his own actions sitting the front of the car he looked at the scratches and realised that child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD ' Next day that man commited suicide.
Anger and Love has no limits .......always remember that things are to be used & people are to be loved . But the problem is in today's world is that ,people are being used & things are loved ................
It is said that for every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. sometime anger can really damage you horrible .
तो क्या हमें एकबार अपने दिल से नहीं सोंचना चाहिए कि क्रोध हमेशा नुकसान ही पहुंचता है और साथ ही साथ रिश्तों को हमें हमेशा मजबूत करना चाहिए.  मै इसपर अक्सर चिंतन और मनन करता रहता हूँ
Now just one more:
girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)
Girl: Slow down. I am scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him)
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me.
In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building
because of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only
one survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his
breaks broke, but he didn't want the girl know about it . Instead, he had her say she loved him, but felt her hug one last time, then he gave his
helmet to her so she would live even though it meant he would die.
if u r really loving someone frm ur heart.....

The legacy of Sachin Tendulkar

  Sachin Tendulkar , the greatest person ever of Indian cricketing world has called it a day. Since last four or five days , every newspaper, TV channel, the world of Internet is full of praise for this legend of cricket.
  I have followed Sachin since the day he played his first cricket test in 1989, all the great knocks which has made India proud of him, are moving like snapshots in my mind. No doubt Sachin has given a new meaning to game of Cricket in India. Most of batting world records are now in his name. The records which he has made will be difficult to be broken in near future. Sachin Tendulakar has established as one of the select best of all time greats of world cricket. Any page of cricket will be incomplete without Sachin printed in it.

   However, for me greatness of Sachin Tendulkar is not limited to his cricketing genius. What makes him truly a great person is his gentle nature humble attitude both on and off the field. World sports is known for great players who have also made news of their arrogance both on and off the field. 

  Giving Sachin , Bharat Ratna is good news. He deserve it , but I would have been more happy if  ,the hockey legend, Major Dhyan Chand (which many consider to be the greatest sports man India has ever seen) would also have been awarded this award along with Sachin.

 Anyway, Sachin is in our heart and will remain so for ever.

Chhath Festval at Patna

Chhath  festival was celebrated with traditional fervor and festive mood. This festival of Chhath that commenced with 'Nahai Khaya' on Wednesday and concluded with final obeisance paid to the sun God in the morning of Saturday.
 I was put on official duty at Gandhi Ghat (Bank of river Ganges) on Friday evening for live coverage of this grand festival by AIR,Patna. Overall atmosphere at ghat was so sombre, pious and festive with huge crowed displaying  unique discipline , which is never seen in day to day life. That is the greatness of this festival.
Here are some photos taken at Gandhi Ghat :

 

Gandhi : remembering him on his birth anniversary

Today is the birth anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi- One of the greatest human ever born in this world.
        People in India look upon Gandhi in two ways; first he has got freedom for this country and second his policy and thinking is the root cause of many problems of this country.

          Many people believe that Gandhi was too soft on muslims , He did not follow impartial principle w.r.t. communal harmony and that in spite of the Pakistani aggression in Kashmir, #Gandhiji fasted to compel the government of India to release an amount of Rs. 55 crores due to Pakistan in 1948. If  nation was divided on the basis of religion, it should have reflected in Indian polity too.And then perhaps , we were not facing the kind of communal divide as exist today. His thinking on mode of development is outdated in present context.

       Some of above facts may be correct, but I view Gandhi from a different perspective. Gandhi gave this world something which is unparallelled in the history of human civilization. He gave us a too of non violence which is highly effective in pursuing justified demands. What Gandhi preached , he followed them whole heartedly. 

      Gandhijee said  :"The world will live in peace , only when the individuals composing it make up their minds to do so".

      Undoubtedly each and every person or we should say every citizen of the global family, ought to be committed to peace in today's human predicament , caused by conflicts due to Ideological Extremism, Religious Fundamentalism, Misguided Nationalism, Economic Injustice and Inequality. Violation of Human Rights, Suppression of Freedoms,  Population Explosion, Racial and Ethnic Discrimination, etc.
 

   Gandhi recognized .the potentiality of these various kinds of conflict as occasions to contemplate over the confirmed problems and also as opportunity to search peaceful means to resolve them, because of his positive attitude . To achieve simultaneously the negative aim of conflict situation  and the positive aim of establishing peace, Gandhi propounded his philosophy of peace. The need of ours is to proclaim again and again the significance of Gandhian principles to solve crucial problems of conflicts and violence.

Gandhi's approach had always been Holistic as human life is a synthetic whole, which can not be divided into watertight compartments of social , religious, political life etc. 

Gandhi may not be remebered as the greatest statesman but certainly his life was itself so pious that we can follow blindly what he practiced in his personal life. Following personal life of Gandhi will , no doubt, help in character building of individual, society and nation. His economic policies may not be practical today but if we follow Gandhi's principle of truth and non violence in our day to day life , then most conflict situations will simply vanish.

This is the way , we should remember Gandhi.

श्रीकृष्ण जन्माष्टमी पर विशेष

श्रीकृष्ण जन्माष्टमी पर विशेष :

 द्वापर  में तो बहुत रास रचाई ,

धर्म की रक्षा की ,

पर ,

पर अब कलियुग में कृष्ण तुम्हारी

बहुत जरुरत है। बहुत जरुरत है।

तुमने कंस का वध किया
तुमने द्रौपदी की लाज बचाई

अब भ्रष्टाचारियों का ,

बलात्कारियों का ,

संहार के लिए आओ कृष्ण,

कलियुग में कृष्ण तुम्हारी
बहुत जरुरत है। बहुत जरुरत है।

तुमने गोवर्धन पर्वत को थाम लिया था ,

जनता की रक्षा को,

अब गिरते रुपये को थामने ,

इसकी लाज बचाने आओ,
कलियुग में कृष्ण तुम्हारी
बहुत जरुरत है। बहुत जरुरत है।